Oct 2, 2003

Dear Brieanna,

It's been a while since I've written. It's been so busy lately. I've been finishing my basement with my spare time. Your brother Seth just started school. Your sister Noelle, for some reason likes to call me mama. I don't discourage it, because I think it's funny.

A couple of months ago, we had one of our neighbors over for dinner, and she talked about her parents being divorced. I asked her when was the last time that she had seen her father, and she at first avoided the question. I kept pressing her and she said it wasn't since she was a child. She said that her father had recently contacted her sister and wanted to arrange to be reunited with them. However, when our neighbor mentioned to her mother that her father wanted to see her, her mother told her that if she talked with her father, she would never speak with her again. As a result, our neighbor has never talked to her father. I was shocked and dismayed that a grown woman in her thirties would be so weak and easily manipulated, and that she would sacrifice one of her parents, based on the unrighteous demands of another.

The incident sent me into deep despair for several days. It made me realize that I may never see you again.

There are various personality types. One system divides personalities into 4 colors, red, blue, white and yellow. Red people are motivated by control, and power. Blue people are motivated by perfection and self responsibility, white are motivated by peace and avoiding conflict, and yellows just want to have fun. Melanie and I recently took one of these tests, I came out as a red-blue, and Melanie as a white. We speculate that Asher is a White, Seth a Blue and Noelle a red, although since she's a baby it may be off. I also guess that you are a white. Meaning that you try to make everyone happy, and try to avoid conflict. As I mentioned, I'm a red and am outspoken, and don't shy away from a conflict. Your mother has similar traits. I'd classify her as a Red-Yellow, meaning that she is controlling, but likes to have fun. The result with two reds living together is that they tend to fight a lot. This may have something to do with why we couldn't get along very well.

My concern with all of this, is the question of, if your personality will allow you to take the necessary steps to see me when you are older. By reestablishing a relationship with me and your siblings, this will no doubt greatly upset your mother, while making me, your siblings, and Melanie very happy. By not reestablishing the relationship, you will allow your mother to keep in control of you which will please her, but limit you as a free individual. My worry is will you find the strength within yourself, to go against the opposing currents, to do what is right. I am so far removed from you that there is nothing that I can do one way, or the other. I can only wait and see.

The last time I saw you, you were only eight years old, and a lot changes as you become a teenager. This is normally the time when you start to question your parents, and to see their flaws, and to start to separate, and become your own person. I hope that this is a positive time in your own life, and that you are able to transition into a healthy and happy and independent adult.

I would like you to consider something, now, early on. I'd like you to consider going to college here at Brigham Young University. Both your mother and I are graduates of this college. Many of your cousins on your mother's side will be attending this university as well. BYU is one of the best universities in the country, and you will get a great education. Needless to say you will be able to see us again, and get to know me, which would make us both happy.

I love you and pray for you all of the time.

Love,

Dad.